Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
