he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
