Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
