If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
