I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
