I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
