Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
