WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
