the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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