Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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