A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
