You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We are all done wearing pants today
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
