ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
