Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
