It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
