I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
