I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
