you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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