As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
