It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
