everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
