Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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