I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
