Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
