i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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