were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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