We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
God I need to hump something, right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
