my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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