help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
