Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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