my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
