I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
barbara walters just said penis...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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