every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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