I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
foreskin is a definite game changer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
