You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
