Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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