Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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