So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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