Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
