its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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