Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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