hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
