She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
