that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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