Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My ass is underappreciated
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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