im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Life is so much better after having sex.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
