My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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