and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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