is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
