LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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